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Funny Hamster Jokes




What do you call a hamster that can pick up an elephant?
Sir!



A shady looking man walks into a bar and orders a drink. The bartender says, "No way, pal. I don't think you can pay for it."
"You're right," the guy says. "I don't have any money, but if I show you something you haven't seen before, will you give me a drink?"
"You have a deal, my friend," says the bartender.
The guy reaches into his coat pocket and pulls out a hamster. He puts the hamster on the bar and it runs to the end of the bar, down the side of the bar, across the room, up the piano, onto the keyboard and starts playing classical music. The hamster can really play...
"You're right... I've never seen anything like that before," says the bartender. "That hamster is really gifted."
The guy downs the drink and asks the bartender for another.
"Will that be cash or another miracle, pal?" asks the bartender.
"Watch this," replies the guy.
Again, he reaches into his coat again and pulls out a frog. He puts the frog onto the bar, and the frog starts to sing. The frog has a marvelous voice and great pitch. A fine singer.
A stranger from the other end of the bar runs over to the guy and offers him $500 for the frog.
"It's a deal," says the guy. He takes the money and gives the stranger the frog. The stranger runs out of the bar.
"Are you some kind of nut?" asks the bartender. "You sold a singing frog for $500? It could have been worth millions. You must be crazy."
"Not so," says the guy. "The hamster is a ventriloquist."



TWENTY USES FOR A DEAD HAMSTER, TWO DEAD HAMSTERS OR MORE
1. Link two with an unbent coat hanger and you have cheap ear muffs.
2. Use several at the base of a door as a draft-blocker.
3. Stuff a pillow that has begun to flatten out with them.
4. Make great "bear rugs" for dollhouses.
5. Drop them in the salad bar at your nearest buffet restaurant. Sue vigorously.
6. Batter and fry.
7. Great cat stocking stuffer.
8. Absorbs perspiration when worn under arm.
9. Distracts flies from the dinner table when placed in a distant corner.
10. When spray-painted white and hung from rearview mirror look amazingly like fuzzydice.
11. Several combine for a stylish, warm hairpiece.
12. Make controversial body hair for lawn statuary.
13. Can be taxidermied and positioned so teeth act as pencil sharpener.
14. Great shammy to give your car that post-wax gleam.
15. Heat in microwave and stick in shoes on cold January mornings for toastycomfort.
16. Barbie and Ken want a new beanbag chair! Voila!
17. Didn't you always feel fruitcake needed some sort of meat?
18. Grandma is near-sighted and needs a new pincushion. Need I say more?
19. You'll never buy another lint remover with this little fellow around.
20. Skin makes great prop for Ken doll's reenactment of Clan of the Cave Hamster










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